So many people are so busy these days that it can be shocking to hear a friend or loved one is suffering. Whether they’ve fallen ill, lost a job, or lost a loved one, these big life-changing situations can be jarring. So, we don’t typically know how to show up for them because we feel jarred, too. For this reason, it’s important to know how to demonstrate genuine emotional support.
1. Deliver a Curated Care Package
One of the best sympathy gift ideas to show someone you love how much you care is to show up. It sounds so obvious, but it can be so hard. You might feel awkward, shy, or nervous about saying the wrong thing. Especially if you haven’t talked to the person in a while, or you didn’t know the deceased well, you might struggle at first. You worry that your loved one will react badly, or that you’ll fumble your message and mess it up.
But here’s the thing: you can’t mess up sympathy when you just show up. Put together a carefully curated care package. Include some soup, tea, cookies, a cozy blanket, and scented candles — all the nourishing and nurturing items. Then just show up with the package on their doorstep. Express your deepest sympathy and ask to come in. It’s a surefire way to support someone. And if you truly can’t be there in person, you can still send the package.
2. Ask and Listen
One of the hardest parts of expressing sympathy for someone is being able to sit and listen. So many people feel pressure to talk constantly that they forget to listen. In most cases, since pretty much everyone is doing it, it’s not a huge deal. But when someone is suffering, it can feel like an additional slight. Your loved one may get their feelings hurt, and their pain may become even worse.
To avoid these potential complications and make things better rather than worse, make sure you focus on active listening. When you do talk, ask your loved one what they need, how they’re feeling, and how you can help. Then, make a point of listening, repeating back, and actually delivering on what they need. Different people need different kinds of support for different situations. Be the kind of friend that can adapt to those differences with openness.
3. Use Sympathetic Language
Another thing to consider when listening to your loved one is to be careful with your words. It’s important to be sympathetic when someone is suffering rather than empathetic. Empathy is when you feel someone’s feelings with them. That can be really off-putting for some people. You don’t want to say things like, “I know exactly how you feel,” even if you’re sure you do. For the person in pain, it can feel like you’re centering yourself rather than them.
Instead, use language that focuses on your loved one. You can say things like, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this,” I’m here for you,” and “This must be really hard for you.” These expressions show the person that you’re centering the conversation on them. At the same time, if they open up to hearing about your own similar struggles, be ready to express empathy. Share your tips for how you moved through the experience, and stay alert for changes in their mood.
4. Don’t Judge. Validate.
Because moods change, especially during difficult times, whatever they may be. Humans have a tendency to judge how someone else is dealing with a situation, especially if they’ve been in a similar situation. But the thing to remember is that everyone is different. People heal differently both physically and emotionally. They also grow differently and grieve differently. The best attitude you can show up with to support someone is one that is a nonjudgmental one.
Instead of judging, validate. When your loved one tells you how they’re feeling, you can use language that sounds like, “I can see how you feel that way.” You could also say, “I hear you. Tell me more.” Even better, if your loved one expresses guilt for how they’re feeling, you can reassure them. Say something like, “Everyone’s experiences are different. Your feelings matter. You’re allowed to feel however you feel.” This language can help them move through their pain more gently.
5. Keep Checking In
Finally, one of the greatest ways to show up for someone with genuine support is to keep showing up. People will often send flowers, cards, or even care packages when some unexpected event takes place. But weeks, or months later, they forget all about the suffering party and go back to living their lives. This shift is to be expected, of course. The world moves fast, and most people are just trying to keep up.
But you can stand out and show up in the most unexpected ways by continuing to follow up. Grief, healing, and suffering don’t exist on a timeline. Some people move through pain quickly and process it in really healthy ways. Others still find pain hitting them months or years later. So, be the person who calls and checks in months and years later. It will be appreciated more than you know.
In the end, there are many ways to emotionally support someone you love in the most unexpected ways. Love and care in times of need can be flowers and cards, but they can also go so far beyond those things. Heat up soup together, watch sappy movies together, or sit on a park bench and listen. The reality is that real emotional support is often more emotional than it is physical. So it’s your job to just remember to be there for them as much as you can.
