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Ben Affleck is revisiting one of his earliest and most controversial roles—Holden McNeil in Kevin Smith’s 1997 cult classic Chasing Amy. In a recent interview with GQ, the 52-year-old actor reflected on how the film unexpectedly forced him to confront his own internalized homophobia, especially during a scene where he had to kiss co-star Jason Lee.
Affleck admitted that the experience was much more difficult than he had anticipated, saying, “I ended up having to confront some of my own internalized homophobia because I found it so difficult to kiss Jason.” He continued, “And I thought, ‘This is really embarrassing. Like, this is clearly some internalized thing because why should that be a difficult thing to do?’”
In Chasing Amy, Affleck plays a comic book artist who falls in love with a lesbian woman (played by Joey Lauren Adams), while navigating tensions with his business partner, played by Lee. The film explored themes of fluid sexuality and emotional complexity between men—topics that prompted Affleck to deeply reflect on his own views.
“At the time, what I thought about it was that it kind of alluded to a spectrum of sexual orientation,” Affleck shared. “To me, it was very suggestive around the homosexuality between the two friends.” He continued to discuss the emotional depth of his character, explaining, “You love this other man. We have friendships with men that we love very much. And it was a way of looking at how that could also be similar to homosexual relationships. I thought that was honest.”
However, Affleck was not entirely pleased with his portrayal. “I still think I did a s***y and unconvincing job at it, and I’m disappointed by that,” he confessed. Despite his self-criticism, he said he’d appreciate a chance to approach the role again, but acknowledged some hesitation about taking on queer roles today, due to concerns over authenticity and representation: “I don’t want to offend anyone in this direction.”
Despite these reservations, Affleck remains proud of the film’s legacy. “It was a movie that, at the time, sort of felt like it was pushing some boundaries,” he said. “And in retrospect, as often happens, the world has evolved.”
Chasing Amy was a modest indie success, grossing $12 million at the box office and earning critical acclaim. The film won two Independent Spirit Awards in 1998—Best Screenplay for Kevin Smith and Best Supporting Actor for Jason Lee. As Affleck reflects on the film decades later, it’s clear that Chasing Amy had a lasting impact on his personal growth and understanding of identity, while contributing to ongoing conversations about LGBTQ+ representation in Hollywood.