First dates are tricky. You’re trying to look nice, sound smart, be funny, stay calm, and somehow not spill food on your clothes all at the same time. It’s exciting because you’re meeting someone new, but it’s also kind of stressful because you want them to like you. And let’s be honest, one wrong sentence can totally mess up the vibe.
A first date, whether it be a meet up via a dating app, a coffee date after class in college, or a casual dinner organized by a friend, gives you an opportunity to get to know someone, and to give them an accurate representation of who you are. However, at many first dates, the conversation can become awkward as people will say things thinking nothing of it, but are actually sputtering out words that either offend the person or are so ludicrously stupid the person doesn‘t know how to react.
This doesn’t mean you have to talk like a robot or be fake. It just means being a little more aware of what you’re saying, especially when you barely know the other person. Some topics are too heavy, too personal, or just plain weird for a first meeting.
So, if you want to avoid turning a sweet little first date into an uncomfortable memory, here are 7 things you should absolutely avoid saying, no matter how nervous, excited, or chatty you get.
7 things to never say on the first date
1. “My ex used to…”
Talking about your ex on a first date is one of the fastest ways to make things uncomfortable. No matter how casually you bring it up, it instantly shifts the energy of the conversation. Your date might start thinking you’re still hung up on your past or that you’re comparing them to someone else. It also makes the moment feel less about getting to know each other and more like you’re dragging in emotional baggage. Even if what you’re saying about your ex is negative, it still gives off the impression that you haven’t fully healed. First dates should be about the present, not the past. Focus on who’s sitting in front of you, not who walked away.
2. “I want to get married and have kids in the next year.”
It‘s fine to know what you desire in life, but spelling it all out like a contract on the first date can be too much. When a person hears something so serious so early, it does not necessarily come across as confident; it can feel like pressure. Rather than appearing to be a person who knows what they’re after, it may cause you to appear as though you’re just trying to fill a position and not establish an actual connection. Nobody progresses at their own rate, and a first date is too early for ultimatums of long-term plans. Let things happen organically. There is a distinction between having goals and forcing them too early.
3. “I don’t believe in relationships.”
Saying you don’t believe in relationships, or that all relationships are toxic, immediately creates distance. It signals to the other person that you might not be emotionally available or interested in building something real. It also makes your date feel like they’re wasting their time sitting across from someone who has already decided relationships don’t work. While it’s fine to have complicated feelings or past experiences, a first date is not the place to dump your doubts about love. It’s okay if you’re not ready for connection, but getting to a date and then telling someone you’re not a believer in relationships just muddles the entire reason for being there. If you’re planning to go out, attempt to be receptive to the prospect that something positive may result from it.
4. “I hate my job and my life.”
Being honest is important, but there’s a difference between vulnerability and venting. When you spend the first date complaining about your job, your daily routine, or how unhappy you are, it brings the whole mood down. Everyone has bad days, and everyone struggles, but if your first impression is filled with negativity, it can make the other person feel helpless or emotionally drained. They’re not there to play therapist. First dates should have a light, curious energy where two people are discovering what’s good about each other. Talking about your passions, hobbies, or even small things that bring you joy gives a much better picture of who you are. There’s always time later to open up about the hard stuff, but the first date is not that moment.
5. “How much do you make?”
Asking someone about their salary or finances right away comes off as invasive and impolite. It might seem like a straightforward question to you, but money is a very personal subject, especially early on. People want to feel like they’re being valued for who they are, not for what they earn. When you bring up money too soon, it can give the impression that you’re sizing them up or looking for someone who fits into a financial checklist. If money is important to you in a relationship, that’s okay, but those conversations belong much later, when there’s trust, understanding, and context. On a first date, it’s better to talk about ambitions, dreams, and how someone feels about their work, not what their paycheck looks like.
6. “You’re not like other girls/guys.”
This might sound like a compliment in your head, but it usually lands badly. Saying someone is “not like the others” can unintentionally insult an entire group of people, and it puts pressure on your date to live up to this unique label you’ve just assigned them. It also suggests that you might have a lot of negative experiences with others, and that’s not really flattering to talk about on a first date. People want to feel appreciated for who they are, not compared to some invisible crowd. A more genuine way to show interest is to mention something specific that you like about them in that moment. That way, it feels personal and real, not like a recycled line.
7. “I think you and I are soulmates.”
Even if the date is going incredibly well and you feel a spark, calling someone your soulmate right away is a bit much. It sounds like you’ve already made a decision before even getting to know them fully. Romance is beautiful, but rushing it can feel overwhelming or even a little bit scary. First dates should be about enjoying the conversation and seeing if there’s potential, not skipping ahead to the last chapter. True connection takes time, shared experiences, and mutual understanding. Declaring deep feelings too soon can make things awkward or put pressure on the other person to respond in the same way, even if they’re not ready. Instead of going all in with heavy words, try staying in the moment and just enjoy getting to know each other. If there’s magic there, it’ll naturally grow.